Football

The 20 Premier League managers


The soap opera that is the United Kingdom keeps throwing up storylines that even screenwriters wouldn’t be able to get away with.

Liz Truss has smashed the record for shortest time in office as prime minister and the whopper she replaced is among the contenders to take over again.

The country is in crisis, and Premier League managers have been asked at press conferences whether they would want to take on the role.

It’s a tough task, but here’s a definitive ranking of who would be best to succeed Truss in the metaphorical Number 10 dugout.

Frank Lampard

‘No but seriously’ jokes are over, now we’re on to Tory jokes / James Gill – Danehouse/GettyImages

Club: Everton
Campaign slogan: ‘#BringBackBoris’

It’s well documented that Frank Lampard is a supporter of the Conservative Party. While he’s a natural fit to take over, it doesn’t mean that he should take over. If anything, that’s why he’s bottom of the list.

Eddie Howe

Why does Howe’s smile look so evil? / Visionhaus/GettyImages

Club: Newcastle United
Campaign slogan: ‘I’m Not Qualified To Answer That Question’

The last thing the United Kingdom needs right now is someone who shirks difficult questions at any given opportunity, though I’m sure Eddie Howe could still have a successful political career for this very reason.

Antonio Conte

It’s a no from me / James Gill – Danehouse/GettyImages

Club: Tottenham Hotspur
Campaign slogan: ‘You Know Very Well That We Need To Suffer’

The country’s on hard times and Antonio Conte would want to extend that even when things are looking brighter. Don’t get him started on the state of the economy.

Steve Cooper

Cooper’s a survivor / Bryn Lennon/GettyImages

Club: Nottingham Forest
Campaign slogan: ‘More Cabinet Turnovers, Please’

Steve Cooper would roll his way through 25 changes to his cabinet, then when pressured to step down, announces that he’s not leaving Wolf of Wall Street style. Is there really much of a difference between him and Boris Johnson?*

*My lawyers have advised me to state that this was a joke. There are no resemblances between Cooper and Johnson. Please don’t sue. I will not be available for further comment.

Jesse Marsch

Marsch is unpopular with Leeds fans right now / Robbie Jay Barratt – AMA/GettyImages

Club: Leeds United
Campaign slogan: ‘Make Britain Great Again’

No offence, Jesse, but the British public would never ever ever ever ever allow an American to run the country. Nothing personal.

Steve Davis

Davis will be in charge until the World Cup break at least / Malcolm Couzens/GettyImages

Club: Wolverhampton Wanderers
Campaign slogan: ‘It’s Nice To Have Some Longevity’

Well, Steve Davis, it’s great that you’re enjoying your caretaker stint, but it’s hardly going swimmingly, is it?

Roberto De Zerbi

How about a Premier League win first, Roberto? / Bryn Lennon/GettyImages

Club: Brighton & Hove Albion
Campaign slogan: ‘Liz Truss Was Bad’

You have to give Roberto De Zerbi credit for trying to give his press conferences in plain English before resorting to a translator. My favourite moment was him simply describing Danny Welbeck as ‘bad’, no more and no less. I appreciate that.

David Moyes

Nah you’re alright / Michael Steele/GettyImages

Club: West Ham United
Campaign slogan: ‘Moyesy? For PM? F***ing hell!’

The job David Moyes has done in his second stint at West Ham has been remarkable, but between his defence of Kurt Zouma and his lashing out against Eintracht Frankfurt, the Scot has a few too many new controversies to his name. Yeah yeah, a great future in politics awaits regardless.

Josep 'Pep' Guardiola

Prime ministers don’t generally have style / James Gill – Danehouse/GettyImages

Club: Manchester City
Campaign slogan: ‘We Are So Strong & Stable, More Than You Believe’

Sure, Pep Guardiola is one of the very best managers in the history of football. But he’s never had to steer a sinking ship like this.

Marco Silva

Silva’s stock is high again / Ryan Pierse/GettyImages

Club: Fulham
Campaign slogan: ‘Successful In 3 Countries’

With Fulham looking like an adult Premier League team again, Marco Silva is starting to rebuild his reputation again.

Unfortunately, Paul Merson’s vendetta lives long in the memory.

Brendan Rodgers

Great comedic value, to be fair / Warren Little/GettyImages

Club: Leicester City
Campaign slogan: ‘I’m Doing My Own Stapling’

We’ve got to trust Brendan. He’s taking us into battle, yeah?

Patrick Viera

You’d run through walls for Big Paddy V / Visionhaus/GettyImages

Club: Crystal Palace
Campaign slogan: ‘Invincible.’

Unlike Steven Gerrard, Patrick Vieira actually has a good mixture of aura and leadership in a managerial sense. He’s galvanised Crystal Palace despite not being their first choice to succeed Roy Hodgson and has revolutionised what was an ageing squad – could he get this country off its arse again?

Thomas Frank

Frank wants to stay at Brentford / Justin Setterfield/GettyImages

Club: Brentford
Campaign slogan: ‘We’re Just A Bus Stop In Europe’

90min understands that Thomas Frank has plenty of admirers for other jobs across England and Europe. We cannot confirm or deny that Number 10 are one of the interested parties.

Mikel Arteta

When Arteta loses a dual, he is upset / Craig Mercer/MB Media/GettyImages

Club: Arsenal
Campaign slogan: ‘Go & Get The Whiteboard’

Arsenal fans have become quite cultish in their adoration of Mikel Arteta. That’s concerning to an extent, but it’s definitely the kind of characteristic required of a capable leader, right now.

Graham Potter

Potter is a man reborn / SOPA Images/GettyImages

Club: Chelsea
Campaign slogan: ‘It’s Time For A ✨Glow-Up✨’

A homegrown appointment who’s had to work their way up from from grassroots and has even tasted success in another country?

Well, you’ve certainly piqued my own interests, Graham.

Ralph Hasenhuttl

Just the two 9-0 losses in his tenure / James Gill – Danehouse/GettyImages

Club: Southampton
Campaign slogan: ‘Things Can’t Get Any Worse’

Since Ralph Hasenhuttl took over, Southampton have become the streakiest team in the Premier League and have lost 9-0 twice. Yet they’re never really in any danger or create that much drama.

Those are the exact credentials we need as a country.

Aaron Danks

Danks is in caretaker charge / Malcolm Couzens/GettyImages

Club: Aston Villa (caretaker)
Campaign slogan: ‘Who Am I?’

No one knew what Danks looked like until Googling who the caretaker manager of Aston Villa was going to be, and he’s actually had experiencing coaching NBA giants Golden State Warriors. Maybe he’s overqualified for this role.

Juergen Klopp

Klopp and Liverpool go hand in hand / Catherine Ivill/GettyImages

Club: Liverpool
Campaign slogan: ‘This Means More’

Jurgen Klopp is a very vocal leftie and his policies would be the complete inverse of those which got the UK into this position.

Then again, he is in the midst of his clockwork seventh-season syndrome, so maybe he needs some time off first.

Gary O'Neil

O’Neil has done a cracking job / Bryn Lennon/GettyImages

Club: AFC Bournemouth
Campaign slogan: ‘I Outlasted Liz.’

Gary O’Neil has spent longer in interim charge of Bournemouth than Truss did. He’s also done a much, much better job.

Maybe he’s the stop-gap we need until the next election.

Erik ten Hag

All hail our new prime minister / James Gill – Danehouse/GettyImages

Club: Manchester United
Campaign slogan: ‘ERIK TEN HAG | GOALS, SKILLS & SUSPENSIONS | WELCOME TO NUMBER 10’

Erik ten Hag has had quite the week. He oversaw Manchester United’s dominant 2-0 win over top-four rivals Tottenham and stood his ground in the Cristiano Ronaldo debacle.

He’s exactly the leader this country needs right now.



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