Another long week of club European football is in the books, so you know what that means – it’s time to update our definitive power rankings.
This week’s edition is in tribute to the great Robbie Coltrane following his passing on Friday. Thank you for your immortal performances in the likes of Harry Potter and Cracker, and more importantly, giving it large to Piers Morgan (as revealed in his obituary).
Here are 90min’s top ten teams in Europe right now, as explained by Rubeus Hagrid.
“I know it’s hard. You’ve been singled out, and that’s always hard. But you’ll have a great time at Hogwarts – I did – still do, ‘smatter of fact.”
For the first time this season, Bayern Munich have made it into our power rankings. What took you so long, eh???
You’ve been singled out – by me – for your slow start to the season, but now you’ve sorted yourselves out, I’m sure you’ll have a great time.
“You’re a wizard, Harry.”
This was obviously the easiest quote to select.
Harry Kane has scored three goals to lead Tottenham to three successive wins over the last week or so. Spurs have found their groove again and their talisman looks much fitter than he has in years.
“There’s a storm coming, Harry. And we all best be ready when she does.”
A testing week for Barcelona saw them all but knocked out of the Champions League at the group stage (again), promote Drake on the front of their shirts, and lose 3-1 to rivals Real Madrid.
Xavi asserted no less than seven times in his post-match press conference on Sunday that Barça are in a ‘negative dynamic’. There’s a storm coming.
“I am what I am, and I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used to say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth bothering with.’ And he was right.”
Gian Piero Gasperini’s magic with Atalanta looked to have run out last season, but fair play to him and La Dea who have roared back this season better than ever, defying critics once again with their unbeaten start to the campaign.
“Mad and hairy? You wouldn’t be talking about me, now would ya?”
Hey, you’d be surprised how few times Hagrid ever said ‘Potter’ over the series.
But big Graham has got Chelsea firing again, and better yet, he’s combined a fresh hair-beard combo to go with his professorial persona.
“Great man, Dumbledore. So long as we’ve got him, I’m not too worried.”
Manchester City’s hopes of going the season unbeaten have come to an end in October this time around, falling to a 1-0 defeat at Liverpool.
But they’ll be back. So long as Erling Haaland is fit, they shouldn’t be too worried.
“Tiny little bloke, my dad was. By the time I was six I could lift him up and put him on top o’ the dresser if he annoyed me. Used to make him laugh.”
Look at little Union Berlin, top of the Bundesliga and up to fourth in these rankings.
Their s***house style must be annoying teams, but I’m sure they’re laughing about it.
“Never wondered how you got that mark on your forehead? That was no ordinary cut.”
The head injury sustained by Antonio Rudiger was no ordinary injury. It helped Real Madrid claw a last-gasp draw at Shakhtar Donetsk.
Los Blancos also beat Barcelona in El Clasico, but Hagrid never said anything about that.
“Never try and get a straight answer out of a centaur. Ruddy stargazers. Not interested in anything closer’n the moon.”
Napoli have played 14 games so far this season. They’ve won 12 of them and drawn the other two.
They should be stargazing. Has Luciano Spalletti finally found his perfect match?
“What’s coming will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”
Mikel Arteta’s message this whole season to his Arsenal players has been to take it one game at a time.
It’s worked out pretty well for them – they’re now four points clear at the top of the Premier League and top of these rankings for the first time.